Thursday, July 21, 2011

Insanity and Mexico

I think my wife is nuts. I mean it. There's something wrong with her. She made a deal with Dionysus. I mean, okay, she could have made a worse deal, but that guy bothers me. I don't like anyone who can get me drunk.

Anyways, I won't blame her. I mean, she was just trying to feed a few hundred people--and unlike Jesus she can't break a loaf of bread into 200 people's worth of food.

Besides, she's hardly the craziest bitch I know. There's Erzulie for that. After months of harassment by the furies on her behalf and the lingering steal-your-baby threat, the minute we get back from Guinee with Marie's ghost, this woman shows up in our house acting like we're best of friends. Bitch even polished off the green tea.

On the bright side, since she's playing nice, Laurel's apparently gotten her little "murderer" label removed--of which I'm appreciative--but has also learned that apparently the last little fury, the one that hasn't visited her yet, holds a grudge. But, you know what? I'd bet Laurel can take her. And if she tries coming after our friends, they'll smack her down. And if she tries coming after our kids, Jack will show her what's what.

Yeah, I tracked Jack down (by which I mean I called him and dropped by his place to chat) and got him to agree to take care of our kids. It was vaguely guilt-trip-ish. I mentioned how the only other person we could really ask was my mother who would be woefully unprepared for the danger associated with raising another scion, much less a pair of them. He gave me some crap about how they'd have to work the ranch and shit, and frankly I didn't much care, I know he won't be abusive to them, I know he'll be able to keep them in line, and I know he'll be able to keep them alive.

I'm glad Laurel suggested talking to him.

But what got me is that he has a fucking griffon. I could tell he was trying to keep the thing out of sight (it was several miles away) but that didn't stop me from noticing. I didn't say anything since I'm not a fan of provoking people's paranoia, but when we come back with the kids, I'm totally demanding a ride.

Anyways, his ranch is out in middle-of-no-where Mexico, so it will at least be pretty secluded for the kids to grow up and discover their amazing super powers.

... Damn, I'm out of ways to stall. I finished learning German already and I still have twenty minutes before we touch down in Deutschland. I'm on my way in because apparently Laurel needs another set of eyes. Pardon, apparently Laurel needs my set of eyes. Also, I hear I have a cousin of sorts in the area. A scion of Loki. I've promised to not necessarily kill him. I was a little offended when Laurel asked me to promise that--I haven't once attacked Sly with the intention to kill him. I've rather nearly attacked him with the intention to seriously injure on several occasions though.

...I need to make sure he hasn't moved out of that address he gave me in Chicago. I'll have to keep a mental note to pay him a visit next time I'm in town.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Guinee Part 2

So we're in the boat, descending into the deep. And a bunch of fish come and start eating up the memories of the dead people who still have them. They also start kind of crowding around Laurel and I, which creeped me out a bit. That is until Jaws rammed a hole in the boat and a fucking siren (I believe Laurel prefers the term 'sea hooker') started luring us all out the hole. Well, she lured us out until Laurel chopped her in half.

I love my wife.

But yeah, so then there were these weird five-handed sea monkeys that went after the memory fish. But we were a little preoccupied with the delusion that we could hurt this shark. After a little while we realized how futile that was and went back inside to find almost all the memory fish gone and their sea-monkey attackers already in retreat. I went up on deck and found a whole bunch of Nommo doing combat with the ship's crew. Augwe seemed like he'd really rather be fighting than steering the damn ship, so I relieved him of his duties and steered the enormous under-water sail boat (with a bit of help from Laurel)

It didn't take long for the fight to end, really. And once it was over we pretty much just kept on going down. The ghosts, no longer with any memories, went back to partying, and eventually a giant crab indicated that it was time to get off by means of giant fucking pincer clamp. Before we got off, though, Augwe mentioned that, oh by the way, he's Erzulie's husband and he's rather acutely aware of why we're down here. Oh really!? Why didn't you tell us sooner Augwe? Like when we saw you on the surface and you could have not put us in the awkward position of wondering whether we were about to be stranded at the bottom of the ocean in hostile territory!

The prick.

Anyways, he let us leave, and we swam down a tunnel. And then kept swimming down the tunnel. And there was some more swimming down the tunnel after that. Then we finally got to Guinee--a big ol' city full of dead people, and almost every one of them partying down. I'm actually getting pretty lazy here, so I'm going to skip the boring parts.

Long story short, we swim around looking for the Baron, we run into Bridgitte (who is still cool), we meet some lady with a name I never quite got the spelling of, and then the entire city is royally boned by a massive sea-snake (eel, whatever) and his side-kick the pirate squid. I'm serious, this shit sounds like a bad plot to a kid's movie. Like a bad plot to a bad kid's movie at that--the good guys lost. And I'm not joking here. They plowed huge troughs through the city, raked up ghosts onto that ship, and kicked the shit out of Baron Samedi. Oh yeah, and me? I was pretty much useless. The only thing I found that I could actually effect in any meaningful way was the boat... and it healed! Who makes boats that heal their wounds at noticeable rates!? (Then again, who makes sail-boats that work under water?)

Once again. Whatever.

The important part of all this was that we lost them. Victor and Sarah. We lost them. I'll be honest, I'm not exactly a man pure of heart. By the age of twenty five I'd killed seven people (well, mortally wounded. I hardly bothered to make sure they were dead.) And to this day I really don't feel bad about Victor. I seem to remember promising to break his arms and shoot him in the head. So I really didn't care less that he was gone--except that he was supposed to be part of the bargaining chip (which still seems kind of wrong) for getting Marie. But that aside Sarah was gone. Fuck me, I just can't really protect people. I mean it just seems weird. In my mundane life I was almost the ultimate protector of people. I would go to incredible lengths and brave incredible dangers just to save people's lives. And I always succeeded. But it's starting to get to the point that things are just spiraling completely out of my league. I mean I've failed this woman twice now, and I've spent a total of about 90 hours in her presence--living and otherwise.

I mean, I can see the danger coming from miles away, but I can't seem to do anything about it. Maybe I should go do some push-ups. At least it'll get my mind off this shit.

Note

By the way, to anyone who may be reading my journal, just imagine my life like a cross between Edith Hamilton's mythology (look that shit up) and Enter Sandman by Metallica.

Also, fuck you! Put my journal down!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Guinee Part 1

So I just got back from a magical underwater land where dead people spend eternity getting wasted and partying down. I gave my mom a call to tell her I was back and doing well, but the conversation went sort of like this.

Me: "Hey mom. I'm back fro--"

Mom: "I don't really want to know."

Me: "Is something wrong?"

Mom: "No, actually things have been very nice since I saw your father again and since the wedding... but I just don't want to have to worry about you anymore. My doctor told me I shouldn't get my blood pressure up too much."

Me: "Sure thing mom."

So, yeah, I guess out of respect for not giving my mother heart attacks, I'm stuck with this journal thing.

Whatever.

So Laurel and I decided to finally head down to Guinee--the Loa underworld-- and get back the ghost of Marie Glapion, this woman that Laurel shot in the face in an attempt--successful attempt I should add--to save Nate's life.

Short version of the following story: I was useless, Laurel did everything.

Long version of the story: I was useless, but I got to steer a fucking tri-mast frigate under water! while Laurel did everything.

So we got ourselves ready to go. Apparently Apollo had given Laurel a ring ahead of time so she'd be able to survive deep underwater. I, however, had no such ring and had to bring a nommo eye--and hold it in my mouth for almost four days. In the mean time Laurel got to wear a wet suit--which I should add are rather form fitting and attractive--while I got to look like aqua-man's half-shark cousin.

We went to Bridgitte's grave in New Orleans, Laurel did a little marking on the tombstone, and we were in the water. Then Augwe came by in Imamu--the aforementioned tri-mast frigate--and plucked us out of the water for the trip down to Guinee. Below decks there was a party. A serious party. The kind of party where if you're not having a good time, there must be something seriously wrong with you (or I guess you could just not like parties--but I think that means that there's something wrong with you.) But as the ship started to dive--yeah, like a fucking submarine--I started to be able to see all the ghosts and stuff.

Now, before we'd left Berkeley, we'd gotten a bit of a present from Camilla. The present was a pair of scion souls from her dad that we could exchange for Marie when we got to Guinee--how sweet. I couldn't see them then, but Laurel said it was some guy and some gal, and the guy was Victor Fingers. So I didn't feel too perturbed. But when I started being able to see the ghosts on the ship I saw her... and it was someone I recognized. It was, in fact, the first innocent person (maybe innocent doesn't apply, but the term 'good guy' certainly would have) I ever saw die right in front of me. I'd seen plenty of people die before that--but they were always gangsters, drug cartel gunmen, professional hit men, or the like. But on my way to Vegas, on my way to meet my dad for the first time, I met this woman Sarah who seemed really sweet and intelligent--even if she was dressed a bit like Xena, Warrior Princess at the time.

She and I fought a big, Japanese demon together that tried to kill us and blew up a gas station. We drove together for about three days in search of her owl and then on the way to Vegas. We even stopped together at a hospital for some much needed demon-related treatment. I mean, we were hardly best friends, but I was getting to think she was someone I could consider friendly--and trust me that list was pretty short at the time. But just a little ways outside of Vegas we come upon this huge car accident... and while we're getting out to see what's going on these fucking shadow-ninja-things (shinobi) come out of basically everywhere and start attacking us. They killed her. And in cold blood. I fought as hard as I could, but I wasn't prepared for this nonsense, and I couldn't save her. What almost hurt more was the look on her mother's face. She was a daughter of Athena (adoptive, obviously) and her mother arrived in person to collect the body. And she was obviously heart-broken. I swear, you can tell people who say Steel Magnolias is sad to sit on it and spin. You don't know real sadness till you see it face to face in the eyes of a mother who has just discovered her child's corpse.

Anyways, I guess I'd never really realized until I saw Sarah's ghost there in that boat, chained to our little scroll case, waiting to be traded for Marie, just how much it had hurt me and just how much it had pissed me off. And what was worse was that she didn't remember. She didn't remember anything. Nothing I could do or say to her seemed to call back to her mind anything I could relate to, any way I could tell her I was sorry for letting that happen--for not seeing that trap coming and throwing that car into reverse so hard the world spun the other way around. I couldn't do shit.

I decided two things right then and there. The first one was that when Laurel and I make our own pantheon--no one forgets. She had the same thought. That's always a good sign.

The other thing I decided though is something a little more serious. I mean, it was something I had known I was going to do anyways, but now it's on the list. It is a 100% clarified goal in my life to hunt down Kane Taoka and exact upon him the most horrible of pains before he dies--and just as he does die to tie his eternal soul to a fucking television set and turn that tv onto a fucking Barnie the Dinosaur marathon, then lock that television in the most remote room of the most remote building in the most remote area of the hardest-to-find extra-dimensional space in the entire universe--lock the fucking door and melt the key down into a necklace. For, if there is a worse fate than an eternity of the most superficial, pseudo-optimistic tripe to have ever been produced by man kind, I'm yet to hear of it.

Fuck.